Reading Genevieve's blog has made me think.
I have been haunted a bit by her post.
What is it that we want our children to remember? How will they think of us as mothers - what will they think of their childhood?
What type of mother do I want to be - and what type of mother am I?
I admit to having visions, visions dancing in my head, of the mythical, perfect mother .
She is calm. She is gentle. She is smiling. She is nurturing.
Well, my children usually get the smiling mum. But the other attributes ?
In my dreams, the mother I want to be is a bit like Ma in the Little House series of books. Cooking. Baking. Loving. Always present. Fair.
The reality of my mothering traces a different path.
I love my children and I have fun. But I get overly enthusiastic - definitely not calm and placid. I like to be busy. I like pop/punk/rock/hip hop music.
Is my energetic nature not nurturing enough?
And let us not go down the cooking and baking path. Although I *am into light sabre fights and basketball.
I try. I strive. But my mothering never meets my standards.
I like some things I do and some of my mothering - but I never am quite there, never quite there at my mothering vision.
Scott Hahn offers me words of encouragement in his book "Lord Have Mercy". He writes of spiritual growth and I think his words apply to my growth as a mother.
"Let's face it: Spiritual growth, like physical conditioning, doesn't come easy. We'd all like to shed our sinful habits overnight, just as I'd be pleased to drop twenty pounds by tomorrow morning or triple my muscular strength by next week. But changes in character are, like changes in our bodies, rarely discernible from week to week or month to month. Only over the course of years or decades do we notice a difference. We need to have a regimen, and we need to stick with it over the long haul."