Sunday, September 21, 2008

Mummy Porn




I don't think I am guilty of mommy porn.
Of writing glibly of days with the kids, the family, of homeschooling, of Catholicism, as though it all fits together. Always. No doubts, schisms, fights, despair.

I try to make this blog real and not a form of fantasy, nor a form of life porn.

I blog to share with friends, family, new friends, people I will never meet..to share the ins and outs of life.

I blog for myself.

I share some intimacies, some secrets but not others.

There are few guidelines as to which secrets I will choose to share and which others I will hide. Privacy of other individuals, of course, is important to me and the protection of this privacy is one of my guidelines.

Is sharing some intimaces, some secrets, a method of encouraging blogging voyeurism? Again, I hope not.

I hope, instead, to help others, in the sense that being real helps others.

Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing. Rollo May

And blogging helps me. I think and find solutions while writing. While blogging.

Writing about an idea frees me of it. Thinking about it is a circle of repetitions. Mason Cooley

Or read George Orwell on Why I Write ~

..I do not think one can assess a writer's motives without knowing something of his early development. His subject matter will be determined by the age he lives in -- at least this is true in tumultuous, revolutionary ages like our own -- but before he ever begins to write he will have acquired an emotional attitude from which he will never completely escape. It is his job, no doubt, to discipline his temperament and avoid getting stuck at some immature stage, in some perverse mood; but if he escapes from his early influences altogether, he will have killed his impulse to write. Putting aside the need to earn a living, I think there are four great motives for writing, at any rate for writing prose. They exist in different degrees in every writer, and in any one writer the proportions will vary from time to time, according to the atmosphere in which he is living. They are:

1. Sheer egoism...

2. Aesthetic enthusiasm...

3. Historical impulse...

4. Political purpose ...

I hope my blogging is not mummy porn, blogging voyeurism or sheer egoism.

I think I blog, I write, for historical impulse - writing things down for prosperity. For memories.To keep in touch with others.

For aesthetic considerations - I like to write, to mess about with words, to have some fun in sharing ideas and activities and humour with others, to play with writing little aphorisms.
For political purpose - okay, I am laughing at myself here but, perhaps, mildy, in a tiny way, like a mustard seed, my blogging on homeschooling, on education, on our Faith, on body image, on parenting, on being a woman/wife/mother today will help not only me but also another.

And, unlike those perfect superstar working mums ( dang, I want their bodies!) , unlike those darling, sweet, nurturing, ( always inspiring to me) other homeschool blogging mums , I do not have it all together. Sometimes, I have many things together, juggle many balls at once , and I do this kinda well. Other times I can't even get one thing together.

Mostly, our life is a mish mash of activities, of life and liturgy and learning. And this is what I aim to share when blogging.

Not mummy porn.

9 comments:

Beate said...

I have to say that your title in the google reader made me say WHAT?!? It made me think of trashy romances all too prevalent in teacher's lounges... Then it made me think of a popular blog that aquaintences visit that could be part of one of the aforementioned romances - you definitely didn't come to mind! Now, I'd also mention that I personally think it would be wrong to refer to any sort of fantasy as porn - how often have we enjoyed our children's fantasy worlds?

Yup, I've enjoyed your "real" blog and you are not ever in danger of leading me into sin ;-) Quite the contrary in fact...

Leonie said...

lol! re the title and famtasy/porn thing - but I SAW what the writer meant, the opne who coined the term mommy porn, in the link. :-)

Chris said...

I think you are wonderful not only because of all that you do and how you think but I appreciate that you express your feelings with honesty, love and openness. You are the real deal and people are drawn to you because of this. They can trust you and I know I appreciate your warts and all openness

molly said...

I am grateful for how real you are Leonie. I agree with Beate, some do like to appear perfect and preachy, as if THEY have it all together. You on the other hand, are refreshing and very motivating to me. You show us your good days and your struggles. I need to know others are still in th trenches with me. Thank you fo your generous peak into an Aussie's life.

Greg said...

I wonder too if it's ever possible for anyone to have it all together. Even my best days, days where I've achieved a lot, had a great time, etc, there's always something I had to sacrifice for that. If I had a relaxing day I go to bed feeling guilty because I didn't work hard enough; and however hard I work there's always another sentence that could have been written or another five minutes I could have spent reading!
I like the quote from George Orwell...and speaking of my likes, isn't Tony Blair related to him? (HIs real name was Eric Blair - Orwell that is not Tony!)

Leonie said...

Chris, I have my fair share of warts! lol!

Molly, what I love about blogging is how we, who live in separate parts of the world, can connect.

Greg, I thought you'd like the Orwell article. Ad, no, I didn't know about the Blair conection!

Sabine said...

I just have such an abhorence to pornography that anything with the name porn in it makes me sick to my stomach. It's hard to get past the title to the point even if the point is great, wonderful, valid, etc., etc., etc.

Leonie said...

I understand. I thought the original writer really, by the use of the term amd words, signified an issue, a cncern, iykwim?

Sabine said...

I do know what you mean, I think LOL! I'll get back to the use of the word 'porn' in a minute :-)

However, your example of being a mother and this writer's view seem to be polar opposites. You don't present a fictionalized world as the writer accuses some mothers of doing. Then again, some of her accusations were inaccuarate. She has a very negative view of children in general though at least she was honest about it.

What does "I love them but don't love being with them" mean? To me, it means I love the idea of children but not the actuality of it. Moreover, I can't comprehend that anyone else would feel differently....

You know how she said, Angelina Jolie and her 500 kids or whatever? It was very demeaning and an obvious stab at anyone who would want to have more than 1.8 children.

Also, I heard Jennifer Lopez' GMA interview and she talked about not having a nanny for the first sixth months of the twins life and how much she and dh enjoyed the actual care of the babies! Wow - she said that on national TV and what, it is impossible to believe that she meant it? It would be a pretty easy lie to uncover that they did have a nanny/nannies. It is also very acceptable here in the USA to talk about how horrid babies are so why would she say they were great if she didn't mean it? Did she come across as it was all peaches and cream? No, but that her babies brought her joy, something I know you can believe!

Anyway - by normalizing the word porn, perhaps the author has no issue with actual poprnography either, to describe mother's presenting an unreal view of 'mommy life' we are normalizing porn itself. yuck! I recently read an article titled "porn's the norm" about how pervasive pornography is in our culture and how we have come to accept it. One example that makes me want to scream is a popular t-shirt women wear with the words "Porn Star" on it. I feel like shouting, "what's wrong with you!?!" *big sigh*