Monday, April 13, 2009

Working on...

Currently working on...a number of things. A routine for our homeschool. Working on my Kumon centre. And working on my weight.

A person close to me thinks I should lose weight. They are probably right. I have been thinking about their comment the last two weeks or so, and hating my recent pics.

Yes, I am happy that I lost 38kg over a four/five year period. Yes, I am happy that I am average BMI, I am no longer obese, I have been maintaining my weight for a year.

But, as this person pointed out, and as pics show, I am still not slim. I am resting on my laurels, just because I am so glad to be having a pretty normal relationship with food.

Says she, eating a chocolate Easter Bunny while planning a diet!

So, do I want to lose weight?

Yes and No.

Yes, who wouldn't want to be slimmer, to cringe less at photos?

No, because I have a history of eating disorders ( overeating or making myself throw up as a way of dealing with emotions). I don 't want to go there again. To be obsessed.

And I am scared that I won't be able to lose the weight. I'll feel like a failure.

So, where has my thinking taken me?

I will aim to watch portions, I already have the workout part down pat. Now, for me, weight loss will be primarily about my eating.

I'd like to lose another 10 kg. For now.

I am a slow loser. So no time goal.

Just deciding to plod along, allow for small victories and small defeats and work on eventually losing those 10 kg. On being healthier, fitter, slimmer.

I have started a diet journal again, an occasional journal to help with thoughts and ideas and motivation.

Food is like sex: when you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good. ~Beth McCollister
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets. ~Author Unknown
Dieters live life in the fasting lane. ~Author Unknown

In the Middle Ages, they had guillotines, stretch racks, whips and cahins. Nowadays, we have a much more effective torture device called the bathroom scale. ~Stephen Phillips

Not very inspiring quotes, but funny anyway!


Purpleflowerpatch said...

I'm going to pray for you, find your peace permanently with food, to be kind to yourself and nurture that little dieter inside, to be joyful each day along the journey, and to be satisfied when it's time to stop.
You're way ahead of me on the exercise and that SO impresses me, but I truly know the pull food obsessions have and the way they twist our life. May the Lord fill you over with His Holy Spirit and carry you through the struggle and the fear...and may you know the exhilaration of a conquerer when you finally see those scales registering your goal. {{{hugs}}}

Julie said...

Funny quotes, Leonie!
I'm glad to hear that you are being careful and 'weighing' out the things that could affect you...your being real and honest with yourself!

Think the aim for 10 kilos is terms of you setting a goal that is not too extreme...then again...keep in mind that perhaps you may not need 10 kilos off...with the workouts and the food may find that somewhere along the line, you may find the right balance! Do you know what I mean....

Set yourself a mental and emotional marker that will keep you within a realistic goal and not let you teether on becoming dissatisfied with what you do achieve and what will be healthy for you.

I too pray that the Lord walk you through this...hold on to His hand and He'll help you with this...I know!

Hopewell said...

I'll be praying....don't want to go back into the disorder.

Jennifer in TX said...

Dear Leonie,
I think you look great and very fit. Your attitude is such a good one--I am praying for you! Happy Easter Monday!

Chris said...

I think that what you have achieved already is amazing. Consider what that doctor said to you about losing weight. He thought that losing weight was unlikely because so few people can actually lose and maintain it particularly over a long period of time. Yet you had already and have continued to do so. This is so admirable.

Leonie said...

Aw, thanks, Chris!