Monday, June 23, 2008

I am not going!

I am not going!

Was that a statment from one of the children, in a head shaking, foot stamping moment of bad temper?

No, it was me. Not the head shaking, foot stamping temper but the emphatic statement.

I am not going.

I said this to dh last night, after a long discussion on his work. Dh has a job offerred to him , which would mean relocating again. And he also has the opportunity to take another transfer interstate.

Truthfully, I've tried, these last few weeks to be supportive. I've prayed and prayed. But I honestly feel that we have moved many, many times, have followed dh across country and that right now is not a good time to move.

I just don 't believe that moving is in the family's best interests. We need some settling.

Last night, I laid my cards on the table. I was honest. Very honest. Not, I hope, brutally honest; I acknowledged dh's thoughts and ambitions and restlessness. But I also acknowledged my thoughts, my emotions, my strong feelings about the family and our spiritual life, our growth.

I acknowledged my vocation as a wife but also as a mother and how I need to look not just at dh nor at myself but also at the kids. Sure, they are growing up, and probably away.But right now I am still a mother with a responsibility. And a wife, who honestly has to say things as she sees them.

How did dh take this? Very graciously.

What will he decide? Hmmm..

I love my dh. But I am not moving right now.

The Valiant Woman, Conferences for Women, by Msgr. Landriot, Archbishop of Rheims .

The most valiant of all women is the Blessed Virgin Mary. The word valiant derives from the Latin verb "valere", meaning 'to be strong.' True valiance is exhibited by courage in battle, which is the fruit of the cardinal virtue of fortitude. Although the habitual virtue of fortitude is most manifest under its higher aspect as a gift of the Holy Ghost--that is, when its possessor (guided by prudence and justice) is engaged in a confession of faith wherein the danger of death is imminent (as with the martyrs)--it is also manifest in the daily trials of the soldier of Christ who conquers inordinate self-love with God's grace.
The valiant Christian woman does not have to exhibit the heroism of a St. Joan of Arc, but she must rule well the kingdom of her home in prudence, mercy, justice and truth. In figurative parables, the Holy Ghost Himself describes "le femme forte" in the last twenty verses of the "Book of Proverbs."

Okay, I suck at beng a submissive wife - me, submissive? But maybe I can be a valiant wife, a valiant woman? One who is not moving now! lol!

St Maximilian Kolbe wrote ~

...the accomplishment of one’s special duties, the carrying out of God’s will at every moment of one’s life and doing this perfectly in action, word and thought, calls for radical renunciation of those things which might seem to us more agreeable at a given moment. This is a prolific source of penance. (Fr. Anselm Romb, OFM Conv., ed The Kolbe Reader, 188)

It would be more agreeable for me to do what dh wishes. To agree to move - to either place, with either job. However, I really, truly, desperately believe that it is not God's will for us right now. Could I be wrong? Most definitely. But to agree with dh, just for the sake of being agreeable, of being a good or submissive wife, would also be wrong.

Better to take a deep breath, say it like it is and risk facing disagreement.

Which I did.

Whew, that's tough. I like everyone to be happy, everyone to like me, I am a Brady Bunch wannabe...and a Brady Bunch dropout!

(Laughs at self)


paminoz said...

Oh dear, I can't say anything unbiased because I DON'T WANT YOU TO MOVE!


Moonlight in Vermont said...

Oh, Leonie! Praying for you! I am a bad one to comment on this subject. I don't like change and I hate moving with a capital "H"!

I am married to a man who loves to fly by the seat of his pants which equals a more flexible me. But still...
I totally feel for you!

Leonie said...

Hi - and thanks, guys..

HopewellMomSchool said...

I am praying for you guys! I am facing a similar decision [no hubby just me as breadwinner] and I really understand the "issues" you are struggling with/

Susan <> said...

Oh dear, I'll pray for you too. I was unprepared for this most recent move of ours...and I said to DH that it would be the last move for awhile, actually for a looonnng while, at least until the children are adults.

I just can't take the unsettledness on the rest of the family. I can hack it but it's difficult for the children- not the younger children but the older ones.

I'll pray.


Leonie said...

I agre Susan - and dh has decided not to move! Yay!

Genevieve said...

Glad things worked out in the end. I know how hard it is to keep on moving. Cherish the monotony for as long as it lasts! :)

HopewellMomSchool said...

Leonie! Any final decision on this one? I believe I'm taking my offer if we can get the final "ducks in a row." On the drive back last night [alone is blissful silence] I remembered praying about your family's choice and knew I needed to follow up and see where you were at with it.

Leonie said...

Thanks for the check in - we are staying - for now and hopefully forever or for a long time!