Living Without School: Contemplation

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Contemplation

Contemplation. Thinking. Thoughtful observation. Full or deep consideration.

To what am I giving my full or deep consideration?

How I mother.

Something happened yesterday that made me cross. Made me seethe. Made me feel like crying.

It is okay. I got over it. I prayed. I also went to Confession over my not-very-nice-attitude.

And I wonder. Does my mothering by example work? I have been a strong believer in the maxim that if I do what is right, others will follow. That if I love what the kids love, spend time with them, treat them with respect, then they will come to love what I love ( or at least understand why I do the things I do..)....To paraphrase St John Bosco.

Or is example not enough?

The trouble is, of course, that I am not always a good example. I rarely lose my cool but when I do, boy, I am not very pleasant. And the kids can always remember my times of losing-my-cool and can re-tell them. As can I.

Yesterday, I didn't say a word. Woo hoo! Am so pleased with myself! I took dh out for lunch to make up for my bad thoughts and to make myself happy - I like snatching some time alone with dh! I did housework and worked off tension. Everyone seemed happy and oblivious to my thoughts. Good.

So, perhaps the issue is not that being a good example to my kids is not enough but that I need to work on always consistently being a good example and on accepting our differences.

Hey, I have to remember that I am the only female in a house of males and the males just seem to see things differently than I!

4 comments:

Chris said...: Far out. When I'm cross or upset I let the whole world know. I'm transparent and need to work on discipline. Not saying one word is so self controlled. I'm glad you had some alone time with Gerry. As for working off tension with house work Wow! (I type in awe).
Leonie says "Let us scrub the floor to diminish our frustrations."
Chris claps and exclaims with joy "Oh can we?"
(What is wrong with this picture?); 11:36 pm
Leonie said...: Oh, Chris, you are too funny! lmao! :-) Hey, at least I didn't eat my frustration, as I have in the past - that consuming of ice cream or chips or cheese and crackers instead of either dealing with anger or working it off in some other way. Doing housework to work off anger was a big step for me! lol!; 7:23 am
Chris said...: I do admire this and how much kinder you have been to your body. Instead of stuffing anger down with food you have released it in a productive way. Good on you. You are inspiring.; 10:14 am
Leonie said...: Well, I'm working on this! I'm not always so good ( alas).; 2:06 pm

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Prayer of Consecration of St. Maximilian Kolbe

O Immaculata, Queen of Heaven and earth, refuge of sinners and our most loving Mother, God has willed to entrust the entire order of mercy to thee. I, N___, a repentant sinner, cast myself at thy feet humbly imploring thee to take me with all that I am and have, wholly to thyself as thy possession and property. Please make of me, of all my powers of soul and body, of my whole life, death and eternity, whatever most pleases thee. If it pleases thee, use all that I am and have without reserve, wholly to accomplish what was said of thee: "She will crush your head," and, "Thou alone have destroyed all heresies in the whole world."

Let me be a fit instrument in thine Immaculate and merciful hands for introducing and increasing the maximum in all the many strayed and indifferent souls, and thus help extend as far as possible the blessed Kingdom of the most Sacred Heart of Jesus. For wherever thou enters, one obtains the grace of conversion and growth in holiness, since it is through thy hands that all graces come to us from the most Sacred Heart of Jesus.

V. Allow me to praise thee O Sacred Virgin.
R. Give me strength against thy enemies.

Prayer of St Bonaventure

Pierce, O most Sweet Lord Jesus, my inmost soul with the most joyous and healthful wound of Thy love, with true, serene, and most holy apostolic charity, that my soul may ever languish and melt with love and longing for Thee, that it may yearn for Thee and faint for Thy courts, and long to be dissolved and to be with Thee.Grant that my soul may hunger after Thee, the bread of angels, the refreshment of holy souls, our daily and supersubstantial bread, having all sweetness and savor and every delight of taste; let my heart ever hunger after and feed upon Thee, upon whom the angels desire to look, and may my inmost soul be filled with the sweetness of Thy savor; may it ever thirst after Thee, the fountain of life, the fountain of wisdom and knowledge, the fountain of eternal light, the torrent of pleasure, the richness of the house of God.May it ever compass Thee, seek Thee, find Thee, run to Thee, attain Thee, meditate upon Thee, speak of Thee, and do all things to the praise and glory of Thy name, with humility and discretion, with love and delight, with ease and affection, and with perseverance unto the end.May Thou alone be ever my hope, my entire assurance, my riches, my delight, my pleasure, my joy, my rest and tranquility, my peace, my sweetness, my fragrance, my sweet savor, my food, my refreshment, my refuge, my help, my wisdom, my portion, my possession and my treasure, in whom may my mind and my heart be fixed and firmly rooted immovably henceforth and for ever. Amen.