Monday, March 08, 2010

We're through..

We're through!

Has anyone ever said that to you..or perhaps you have said it yourself?

I'm through being nice.

I'm through this, I'm over it.

We're through.

It is often said in anger or hurt, isn't it?

And you get that sinking feeling..that knot in your stomach..because, if you are like me, you
know it is your fault.

Maybe you should have tried harder.

Or We're through is shouted with joy..we are through that exam, that hurdle, that last leg of a trip.

For Christmas, I gave Thomas a (possible, sort of) sequel to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. The almost sequel is by Eion Colfer while we all know the delightfully funny, wise, quirky originals were written by Douglas Adams.

I see a copy of The Hitchhiker's Guide lying around the someone must be reading it.

It is one of those quoteable books/movies/TV series.

You live and learn. At any rate, you live.

Isn't that true? Sometimes I just don't learn stuff, I keep repeating the same mistakes..over..and over. But I am living and trying to learn and praying.

But when someone says to you We're through, in their hurt they can't see your learning and prayers..just your living, your life, just you. You, and your life, which is really not good enough, not a great example.

Perhaps I'm old and tired, but I always think that the chances of finding out what really is going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say hang the sense of it and just keep yourself occupied. ~Douglas Adams again

I keep feeling like a failure but that is self indulgence, isn't it? it is not all about me.
I keep wanting to eat junk but that is escape, isn't it?
I act wild and silly with visitors and friends because that is the mask, the keeping occupied part.

Lest you think this is all too personal or dark for a blog post, I will add that it is okay. Life and blogging is like that. Not always serious. Not always funny. Not always neat and tidy and wrapped up in little impersonal, breezy posts. Or even theological posts (laughs at self here..).

The bottom line is that blogging is like sex. You can’t fake it. You can’t fake passion. You can’t fake wanting to engage with the public. If you do, it will ultimately be an unsatisfying experience for both the blogger and their readers. (Kevin Anderson)

Everything I learned in life, I learned through blogging.

Or something like that.

I believe the term “blog” means more than an online journal. I believe a blog is a conversation. People go to blogs to read AND write, not just consume. (Michael Arrington)

Blogging helps me sort out things but also helps me become part of the conversation. I value the emails ( and occasional comments) that I get, the discussions I have with IRL friends, over blog posts. And I think and write. I read the blogs of others, especially those blogs of friends.

And I live my life.
And pray.
And try to learn.

In at least one way we are atypical bloggers. That’s because we just keep on posting. The typical blogger, like most people who go on diets and budgets, quits after a few months, weeks, or in many cases, days. Stephen J. Dubner

So why do I keep on blogging? Because I have always chosen writing as the medium for expressing my thoughts and ideas. Always. Journals. Poems. Now blogs and Facebook. And because I am a social person. I love keeping up with the thoughts and lives of others through blogs and emails and facebook. I love sharing.

Which is part of my We're through problem. Because I love to write, have an inner need to write about things and to think and figure stuff out, because I love people, love hanging out with people,because I have a need to pray, to go to daily mass when I life, then, makes others feel less special. Like they are one of many.

So, I need to die to self.

Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul? (Mat 16:24-26)

And, yet, what do I do? I come back here and blog.

How much of myself do I give up? Do I give up others outside my family, including my blogopshere and Facebook friends? Do I give up extra masses and my daily reading of the psalms?

It is a truth generally acknowledged that we are all longing to escape. I escape always to my favourite book "Pride and Prejudice". I've read it so many times now the words just say themselves in my head and it's like a window opening, it's like I'm actually there. It's become a place I know so intimately I can see that world, I can touch it. I can see Darcy. Amanda Price, from Lost in Austen ( a series Greg and I want to see ...again)

Is blogging an escape? Are my friends and my social stuff escapes? Do I use praying at mass as a form of escape?

I don't think so. I think these enrich my life, they are my life, with my family, of course...all these are part of who I am.

So, in being present in the We're through, how much do I change?

When you feel the assaults of passion and anger, then is the time to be silent as Jesus was silent in the midst of His ignominies and sufferings. -- St. Paul of the Cross

Therefore, I keep silent on some issues and in some situations. I blog. I work. I spend time with family and friends. I pray. And I try to learn while living. I try to change. I try to cut others some slack but not let myself make excuses for my actions.

Hey, blogging has no calories, right? It is better than eating junk.

Laugh, love, pray, work. Breathe.

Breathe. Know that the Internet has no eraser.Liz Strauss

And ~ Nothing in your life can prepare you for this, except everything in your life.

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